Push

Push...
always pushing away
why...
am i scared or unworthy?

i am like the man
who beats his wife
i abuse...
not in a physical sense
but an emotional one
the one thing
that seems different
is quite the same

i abuse others
as i abuse myself
always confused,
never understanding.
no way to live.

scared...
scared to open up
scared to live
afraid to take another chance.
each time repeat of the past.
so i continue to push...
push away those that i love...
why....
to keep from hurting
myself or my beloved.
either way i hurt...
i hurt so i must push...

06.14.1998